So a while back I had this grandiose idea to translate the entire Bible into language the average imbecile could understand. Since, as a recovering Mormon, I have the unshakable belief that the King James Version is the only true Bible, I had my work cut out for me. After all, who would possibly tackle translating a 17th century text into modern English, other than the thousands who have tried before me? No one, that's who.
So, I wrote up a quick translation of Genesis 1. I hope it will inspire you as it has inspired me. But first, a translation of the preface to the King James version of the Bible:
Dear King James,
You are the greatest. Seriously, don't ever change. Here is the manuscript of the translated Bible you ordered. Since you are so magnificent, it can't possibly hold a candle to your awesomeness. Seriously, have you been working out?
Anyway, enjoy the book. And please don't kill us.
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